Friday, November 12, 2010

To Be Forward or Not To Be Forward: That Is the Question

Recently, a friend of mine met a guy that she really likes.  I listened intently as she went on and on about why this guy is the most amazing person ever, nodded in a supportive manner, and “mmhm’d” at the appropriate moments.  Honestly, I thought I had done my friend duty and done so quite well (if I do say so myself).   My friend, however, had more in mind. “What should I do next? Do I call him or wait for him to contact me?” she asked anxiously.
                Let me stop here and say that I do not consider myself to be a relationship expert.  In fact, I think I’m the farthest thing from it.  I navigate my way through relationships like a blind person navigates through a crowded room—extremely cautiously.  Despite this I sort of felt like saying, “Girl I don’t even know” wasn’t exactly an acceptable response. Instead, I tried the diplomatic approach. “Well girl, do what makes you feel comfortable. Call if you’d like or just let him make the first move.”
                Now I’m aware that tired advice like that makes me look lame.  Honestly, I felt like it was my best bet.  What works for me might not benefit her, and vice versa.  But the situation did cause me to wonder: When it comes to matters of the heart, is there a “right” approach? I decided that additional perspectives would be necessary to me figuring out this issue.  So I reached out to some of my other friends for their opinions.  The advice fell into two general categories: “Take matters into your own hands” v. “Relax and let him approach you”
                The “take matters into you own hands” ladies felt like life is too short to tiptoe around things you want.  If you never step out on faith, you may miss out on something amazing. Hmm, sounds great but for a shy girl such as myself it may prove to be impossible.  Next up are my “relax and let him approach you” ladies who can be separated into two categories.  Some of them simply say, “A woman should never go chasing some man” with a dismissive tone to their voice and a swivel in their neck.  The other half lean on a Bible verse that basically puts men in the position to seek and women to be sought out.  Well now that all sounds like rules tied into gender roles and I tend to balk against anything I'm “supposed” to do by virtue of being a woman. Plus, I'm too impatient to just sit back waiting for things to happen.
                So what do you do when you're too shy to be bold, yet too stubborn to be demure? I don't know! That's why I gave such crappy advice—duh. Keep up! So I present this issue to all of you because clearly with my friend and I it's the blind leading the blind.  And that sounds pretty dangerous to me. So help a sista out—what strategies do you use when trying to pique the interest of that special someone? Are you sassy and bold or demure and lowkey? Do you switch up approaches from time to time? For my fellas, is this even an issue for you?  Everyone tell me your thoughts!


  1. Now I know I'm not a member of the fairer sex but I always felt that a male perspective is important when having this sort of discourse. If you really are too shy to be bold and too stubborn to just wait it out, relax! there is a middle ground. do both!

    Now what do i mean by that? Guys are not quite as dumb as women like to think we are. We aren't fluent but we do speak a little "nonverbal" lol. So invest a little time (A LITTLE) in the guy you're after. We'll eventually get the hint that you want to be more than friends. Also put a little more thought in your encounters. If you're hanging out at applebee's wear something that lets us know you thought about how you look and how you want to look when we meet. WE WILL GET IT! lol.

    But I've written enough unless someone poses another question later, good post Kourtney!


  2. Just wanted to thank you for the feedback $.dale and you too Eaddy(for the You guys are the best!!